It’s been a while since I’ve rummaged round in the joke barrel and, what with the mid-winter gloom and the rather serious tone of recent posts, I thought a little light-relief might be in order.

I’ve steered clear of anything that is disrespectful to children, or which is informed with negative, inaccurate ideas about paedophiles. A couple of these, however, are a little darker and less innocent than in the previous three installments, which you can read here:

Paedo Humour – First Installment

Paedo Humour –Second Installment

Paedo Humour – Third Installment.

This may be something to do with my state of mind, or because, if the bottom of the barrel hasn’t quite been reached, I’ve been maybe having to lean in a little deeper to fish the decent ones out.

So take the phone off the hook, pour yourself a glass of wine, turn your best sofa to the log-fire, sit your favourite small child on your lap and together enjoy this selection of the (fourth-)best paedo jokes out there.

(Warning: some of these jokes contain strong language and may not be suitable for small children*)

I totally smashed the world record today for holding your breath under water – 8 minutes 48 seconds.
It all started when the small girl at the swimming pool said to her father, “that’s the man there Daddy!”

Rolf Harris is set to appeal and will be tried again in front of a jury of children.
His lawyers are confident that he will get off.

eb72b0da71e50057774fbc3d610a6254How do you circumcise a Catholic priest?
Kick a choir-boy in the chin

The proud father handed the baby to the priest for the christening.
“And what name have you given this little boy?” asked the priest.
“It’s a girl,” said the father out of the side of his mouth. “You’ve got hold of my thumb!”

“I’m a 11-year-old girl looking for a 45-55 year old man for online webcam fun. Email me:”

When I was a kid I was very ill in hospital and Gary Glitter came to visit me.
I was touched.

I was so proud when I saw my son getting his first blowjob.
It brought a lump to the back of my throat.

A little boy called Jonny has a swearing disorder. He’s 8 years old, and one day when he goes to school they are learning the alphabet.3dc1cc82fd0df21f1f1a1f1249d34fe350607af183504ccf7a255451d745e08e_1
Teacher: ‘Can anyone think of a word beginning with A?’
Jonny puts his hand up straight away, but the teacher know he’ll swear so she picks a girl called Julie.
Julie: ‘Apple Miss’
Teacher: ‘Well done, anyone got a word for the letter B?’
Jonny’s hand is up straight away, but she picks Dan knowing that Jonny will swear.
Dan: ‘Butter Miss.’
Teacher: ‘Well done, what about C?’
Jonny, yet again, puts his hand up straight away but the teacher still decides to choose someone else, Hannah.
Hannah: ‘Cup Miss.’
Teacher: ‘Well done. D?’
The teacher sees Jonny and thinks what can he say that is bad for D? So she picks Jonny.
Jonny: ‘Duck, Miss.’
Teacher: ‘Ohh, well done Jonny.’
Jonny: ‘With big fucking bollocks’.

My girlfriend cuddled up to me after sex. “Have you ever thought about… you know… children?” she asked.
“Fuck!” I thought. “How does she know?”

“Even though little Jenny is only 11,” I said to her mother and father at parents’ evening, “she’s already reading to the standard of a 16 year old.”
“We’re so proud!” said her father. “We always knew she was advanced for her age.”
“Well, then,” I said, “you’re going to love her sex education report.”

I was down the pub last night and Gary Glitter came on the jukebox.
Maybe I shouldn’t have put on St Winifred’s School Choir.


There’s an advent calendar for paedophiles.
Its the same as any other calendar, but it’s just got smaller flaps.

I was sat in the pub with my mate:
I said, “I got sacked from the primary school today.”
He said, “Why?”
I said, “I was doing something illegal and one of the children told their parents.”
He said, “Fucking kids.”
I said, “No, stealing stationery this time.”

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “paedophile!” and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 19 and I’m 40.
It completely ruined our 10th anniversary.2008-08-16-226_pedophile_3

Why do paedophiles never win gold medals?
They always come in a little behind.

A man approached a little girl in the park
and asked her if she could help him find his puppy.

“No way!” she said. “My mummy told me about people like you.”
“What do you mean?” he protested. “I really can’t find my puppy and I need your help. It’s terrible how parents’ minds have been so poisoned by the gutter press that they end up teaching their children that all adults are child sex perverts!”
“Oh, OK.” she said. “What kind of puppy is he?
“He’s a sausage dog,” he said, “……….and I think he’s hiding down my underpants.”

Newsflash – Gary Glitter has attempted suicide by jumping into the sea.
Coastguards found him bobbing up and down on a small buoy!


 * 😉

24 thoughts on “Paedo Humour – Fourth Installment

  1. More lil ‘Johnny’ jokes hopefully not already pre-told here and missed by this miss?

    Also told by lil kids WAY back when, Rockin ’50s/Swingin ’60s/SeXy ’70s, and maybe still today in Ye Olde Skoolyarde/Bike Shed/Bogs/Bedrooms??? Or elsewhere where po-faced so called adults won’t overhear and give ’em a clip round the ear, boot in da butt, or elsewhere. Or more likely give them a soft PC/Pure Cowards ‘Age Appropriate’ GOOD FUCKIN’ TAWKIN TO!

    Breakfast time Johnny to his lil sis, “Pass the fuckin’ cornflakes!”

    Ma to Johnny, ‘Don’t U EVER talk like that again to Ur little sister! Now what would would U like for cereal?”

    Johnny, “Well I’d be a cunt to ask for cornflakes!”

    Teacher enters class to see, “FUCKED!” scrawled on the blac.., er, chalk, er, white, er, marker board.

    “Who wrote this obscene word on the board – JOHNNY??!”

    “No, not me miss…”

    “JOHNNY, we all know it was U. Now Ur old enuff to cum out here and explain it’s meaning to the sniggering class. So we can then all proceed with lessons like sensible young students not immature little imbeciles.

    “OK miss, but I’ll have to demonstrate.”


    “No miss it’s OK, if U can just kneel on Ur desk, lift Ur skirt and lower Ur panties so that I can see Ur pretty bum?”


    “No miss I’ve got to co-reckly explain? Now I’ll just put my fingers in Ur, er, ‘co-rectum’ I’ll be gentle so it won’t hurt. There… Now can U fart?”

    “NO, JOHNNY – of course I CAN’T now fart!”

    “Well then miss Ur – ‘FUCKED!’ ”

    For some desperately needed discipline rogue Johnny is sent stay with his stern, puritan Uncle & Aunt, but Johnny ‘accidentally’ enters the bathroom as Aunty steps from the shower,

    Johnny, “Ooh! Aunty wot’s that between Ur legs?”

    Aunty, “OH! Johnny U shouldn’t be in here. Er, er, er, it’s where Uncle accidentally, er, hit me with the garden axe…”

    Johnny, “WOW! Some bad luck – right in the cunt!”

    Persistent Johnny to shy lil Loli, “Can i just see Ur pretty pussy? I won’t touch it.”

    Shy lil Loli, “Oh, OK then, but NO touching.”

    Johnny, “Mmm it’s nice and smooth, no hair like Ma’s. Can I just whisper ‘Hello’ to it then?”

    Shy lil Loli, ” Whisper to it? Oh, OK but that’s all!”

    Johnny gets real close and with VERY LONG SeXtended tongue he whispers, “Heeeelloooo.”

    Johnny (outfoxed by a foxy lil Loli), “I’VE got one of THESE in my pants. U haven’t got one of these.”

    Foxy Lil loli, “No, but I’VE got one of THESE in MY pants, and with one of these I can’t get as many of those as I’ll ever want!”


  2. To save keen readers’ valuable time..

    The above (very ‘appropriate’) 1st Edition/pilot of ‘Regan’ became ‘The Sweeney’ series does not contain the Leggy Lil Lolis scene,

    Currently unclear which one that is while trawling thru their Sweeney-pervs/ fansite, listing ever motha lovin, lowdown cotton panty pickin location, edition, and script penned mostly by pro-Ped? Ian Kennedy Martin.

    (‘1st Edition’? Kinda recalls True Brit Victorian VICTIM genius Gay/Ped Wilde, “Aubrey Beardsley’s publisher LOVES 1st Editions. And indeed ALL children – except boys…”


  3. Further SeXy ’70s UK Kid Lovin mainstream VILE Subvert humour.

    (UNTHINKABLE in post-SeXy ’70s Grim Brit ongoing PC/Pure Cowards’ MadHagMag/MadDogMurdoch’s Mammonite – Age Of Endarkenment ‘s/Bu££$hit Wa££ Of $hite.)

    One from ITV ‘The Sweeney’ (1974-1978) t’other from straight-Beeb TV ‘Play For Today’ (1970-1984).

    1) Quietly parked in their BIG Granada on an ‘Obs Job’/(eyeing a NON-Ped gaff) by a schoolyard where Leggy Lil Lolis played netball, armed Flying Squad/Sweeney Todd HARD man D.I. Jack Regan grunts to his Sgt George Carter, “Whoever invented the gymslip, should get a bloody medal!”

    Carter, “Hold on now Guv…..”

    Regan, “SHUT IT!!”

    2) In the Beeb’s searching, contemporary dramas of ‘Play For Today’, one edition accurately portrayed a then-new ‘Venture Playground’. Where an underclass inner city London community struggled to build a safe (from traffic NOT Peds) kids’ play space on an old bombed site by using timber and bits & pieces from junk yards. Their very handy randy oddjob man-for-all-reasons/general factotum was a gently ageing Rockin 50s Teddy Boy/Greaser HARDman who turned his hand to anything from woodwork to electrics to plumbing (including, er, SeXual ‘plumbing’). The general and spiritual leader of the popular hard working pack was, you guessed it, the traditional worthy Vicar. But you may guess wrong about a neat and BRAVE cliche-reversal. The gentle Vicar found the HARD Ted in his workshed in-flagrante with a boy, and when confronted our streetwize Greaser let the smiling boy exit while placating the worldly Parson with (paraphrased):

    “No sweat Rev. It’s just my little weakness!”


  4. AND – in WAY too modest 600 Million mainland modern EU. Absolutely NO absolute-ist Anglo hysteric long past NO EVIDENCE Historic False SeX aBuse claims. For Fake ‘VICTIMS’ BIG BIZ – BIG Compo/Bent Media FAT Fees.

    E.G. Shameless, humourless, fun free grotesquely angled/Anglo Gothic BIG Judge’s – “VICTIM INTENT” verdict:

    “Sooo…poverty struck proud grannies each of multiple unemployed spouses. U say that UK bent cops (is their a straight one?) at vast public SeXpense backed by all Murdochized lowbrow media for ratings & profit not people. Over many years proactively trawled everyone in Ur lives since age 4 in Rockin ’54$kin. For ANY negative wee willy silly lil thing they can then suggest to CRIMINALLY Fuckin’ Fabricate & SeXaggerate into so called EVIDENCE of soooo similar VERY SERIOUS false allegations from multiple mighty ambitious complainants, prejudicially pre-emptively tagged ‘VICTIMS’. Of MAYBE just ONCE being pleasurably gymslip bum-touched by a pretty boy (now WEALTHY Rock Star) whom U all wet-dreamed of and proactively chased and gratuitously groped round Ye Olde Skoolyarde like on heat MedEVIL Bitch Witches? Weeeell.. Cum On Down, The Price Is Right – Give ‘Em All The Fuckin’ Money!”

    And now, Straight-Brit BOSS Bitch Tina’s TRUE judgement:

    ” Empathy for all TRUE victims. Not least the tens of thousands of TRUE VICTIMS of UK mainstream mass LIES. Including thousands of UK CHILD VICTIMS Anglo Fascist $tate permanently aBused life-scarred by losing adult family & friends wrongly caged via corrupt UK Cops/Media/Charridies. For the FAKE Victims BIG Bent-Biz deviously masked by Mass Deception as so called Child Protection from consentual benign mere SeX. While the NSPCC’s own accurate stats show that a VAST 96% of Serious Child aBuses are NON-SeX Serious Child Abuses with millions of NON-SeX UK Child Abuse VICTIMS about whom the KidSeX craZed phoney fucking Anglophone doesn’t give a fucking damn! Its’ just their ‘New Patriotism’ – last resort of scoundrels! NuQuote, “Bent Brit Bu££shit Must Stop – FULL STOP!”

    (Wow…looks like Fair Judge Tina’s BIG dam done burst?)


    Take them all down (not knickers) and on for VERY longterm treatment in VERY Secure Units – for cUnits.

    Bring on the next all Anglo-hysteric KidSeX (nut)cases pleeze.”

    RealMeanwhile, hopefully this inline/BIG Link works. If not then search ‘Child Sex Abuse False Claims’. And Quel Surprize – only ALL ANGLO cases will appear. Cos NON-Anglo bent Historic SeX hysteria is just another all Anglo BIG myth for mass tricked Anglo-centrix…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Respectfully rephrase mine (negative?) Anglo-centric host.

    “Exile CAN work if positively reconsidered as simply moving to a far better place beyond the small minority/BIG EGO sad 400 Million population Phoney Fascist Fucking Anglophone; and particularly with Paul’s BIG talent. Nureyev knew he would have a receptive audience initially in the NON-Anglo West. I.E. NON-homophobe Belle France and larger pro social yet WAY too modest 600 Million mainland modern EU where sad Ped Polanski and others are STILL welcomed beyond merely tolerated. Tho the anti social Right wing Fascist Fucking Yanksters want Polanski back in their BIG Pri$on $tate – U$A/Uptite$exualA$$holes – one BIG concentration camp for Peds like Jews in Nazi Germany!”

    The WAY too modest 600 million population mainland modern EU coincidentally with NO Fascist Registers, NO Mad Dog Murdochized Monstrous Media, NO eXtreme SeX Laws, yet rightly named by all leading agencies as “World Best For Family & Child Wellbeing”. While the small minority/BIG EGO Phoney Fascist Fucking Anglopone PERVERTEDLY self-styled ‘Best’ is DAMNED by those same agencies as, “Among The Worst In Modern West For Family & Child wellbeing” – it’s no damned coincidence!

    Myself? 8 glorious years ago I chose to LEAVE the Anglo Ped-hysteric culture for nearby rational mainland modern-EU where things like language and culture and friends and family are close but not overbearing, And because WAY too modest modern mainland Europeans also speak perfect English (better than some SUN readers) including EU children formally from age 12, and often earlier.

    Much mo’ info available on request.

    Try it ya’ll – you’ll like it!


  6. Concerning the Late Great Ped Dancer Paul Christiano.

    Like Swingin ’61 dance genius Gay Rudy Nureyev LEAVING the Totalitarian Tyrant Commie USSR.

    Paul perhaps should have taken the increasingly sound pro social Ped advice – LEAVE the anti social Totalitarian Tabloid Fascist Phoney Fucking Anglophone !;_ylt=A7x9UnrsoyBXu0IAj3CPAwx.;_ylc=X1MDMjExNDcxNjU1OQRfcgMyBGZyA3locy1DTkQtMDAyBGdwcmlkAzJnTDdha0dIUmJTWlBTclBfLkhCakEEbl9yc2x0AzAEbl9zdWdnAzkEb3JpZ2luA2ZyLnNlYXJjaC55YWhvby5jb20EcG9zAzAEcHFzdHIDBHBxc3RybAMEcXN0cmwDMTYEcXVlcnkDUnVkb2xmJTIwTnVyZXlldgR0X3N0bXADMTQ2MTc1NjkyOQ–?p=Rudolf+Nureyev&


    1. >”Paul perhaps should have taken the increasingly sound pro social Ped advice – LEAVE the anti social Totalitarian Tabloid Fascist Phoney Fucking Anglophone !”

      I imagine escaping from the Anglosphere hysteria could be tempting but I suspect it’s not that easy – leaving a life and culture you’ve grown up in and, for all its faults, one you understand.

      Exile can work if you have something to move TO – Nureyev knew he would have a receptive audience in the West – where could Christiano really escape to where his art would be as appreciated as in America? Another country subject to paedo-hysteria?

      Myself I’ve chosen to remain in a paedophobic culture, though the option of moving away has always been available. Why – things like language and culture and friends and family tie one to one’s homeland.



    The above BIG link may only work on I-SeXplorer.

    Sooo, try Chas chappie Wiki.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Sooo, not much fun in Repugnant rabid Right Anglo Fascist Joe’s Witch Hunts. Which/Witch? also caused the longterm, if not permanent, downfall of one of The World’s greatest ever funny men, and lesser known BIG name peds.

    By her own account, Lita Grey (born Lillita Louise MacMurray, April 15, 1908 – December 29, 1995), first met Charlie Chaplin at the age of eight at a Hollywood café and first worked with him at the age of twelve when introduced by a teenage girlfriend to Chaplin for her part of the “flirting angel” in The Kid. Her one-year contract was not renewed after appearing briefly as a maid in The Idle Class. She met Chaplin again at the age of fifteen when she heard he was testing brunettes for The Gold Rush. They had an affair and she suspected she had become pregnant by the then-35 year old Chaplin. As he could have been imprisoned for having sexual relations with a minor, they married that November in secret in Empalme, Sonora, Mexico to avoid a scandal. They had two sons, Charles Chaplin, Jr. (1925–1968) and Sydney Earl Chaplin (1926–2009). Though the marriage sadly ended in a huge and scandalous divorce the question remains, was Lita a gold-digger? While it seems her family clearly had their eye on Chaplin’s wealth, it is doubtful that a 15-year old star struck girl could have been so calculating. And, even if she was, tight-wadl Charlie should have known better than to also mistreat his young wife disliking his demands for fellatio. But, it appears he could not help himself with those sweet ‘Rosebud’ lips. (Also the mystery name behind Orson Welles’ great SeXpose of rabid Right media monster pimp W.R. Hearst, aka ‘Citizen Kane’). Some say Lita’s story and her real name ‘Lillita’ was Nabokov’s undoubted inspiration for “Lolita.”

    Then there’s an even lesser known fine arty ped and Victorian born Brit, in the other less humourous Loli-lovin Chas Chaplin chappie. (No doubt with some fun humour along the vile Victorian way, “Be gentle with Charles now girls, he’s a VERY sensitive artist!);_ylt=A7x9UnmNkCBX9TQAf5.PAwx.;_ylc=X1MDMjExNDcxNjU1OQRfcgMyBGZyA3locy1DTkQtMDAyBGdwcmlkA2tUM3NFbUkxVENPV2FlTS54MEdyWkEEbl9yc2x0AzAEbl9zdWdnAzQEb3JpZ2luA2ZyLnNlYXJjaC55YWhvby5jb20EcG9zAzAEcHFzdHIDBHBxc3RybAMEcXN0cmwDMjYEcXVlcnkDQ2hhcmxlcyUyMEpvc2h1YSUyMENoYXBsaW4EdF9zdG1wAzE0NjE3NTE5Njk-?p=Charles+Joshua+Chaplin&


  9. Paraphrase SeXy ‘70s True Brit Ped Broadcaster/D.J. FUN & FUNNY Chris Denning (apochryphal or not):

    “Welcum to today’s early morning show, and I hope you’re feeling well. I am – I feel like a young boy, but where can you find a young boy at 6 a.m. in Broadcasting House/BH?!”

    If there’s one truly persecuted True Ped who can ask the World one true question it must Chris Denning. ‘CD’ to his true friends who have not deserted him. Unlike some untrue BH/BIG Hypocrite young boy lovers like Kweenof$hits who disloyally threw CD like an old vinyl disc in the bin when the going got tough.

    And we mean VERY tough for unbreakable CD all but at death’s door, yet still a-grinnin’ & spinnin’ yarns in H.M. Fascist Prison State UK for the forseeable no-future!

    CD’s tables turning BLOCKBUSTER Fascist McCarthyite Witch Hunt-type BIG Hit/BH question which any of us and any lowbrow Right wing Murdochized Mass Mind Raped Mug COULD have asked in the recent past . (If they weren’t Right wing lowbrow Murdochized Mass Mind Raped Mugs) is:

    “Why, in 130 years since 1885 when the UK AOC was raised from a rational ‘13’, irrationally via a Right wing Murdoch-type rag for profit not people. Have TENS OF THOUSANDS of UK so called ‘INNOCENT CHILDREN’ as young as EIGHT been CONVICTED or CAGED for their Mental, Emotional, and Moral ability to CONSENT to commit CRIMES? Answer the question- ANSWER THE GODDAM QUESTION! And, are you now or have you ever been a member of the anti social rabid Right wing MandaTory or Repugnant parties – all for profit not for people?! ANSWER THE GODDAM QUESTIONS!!”

    Again paraphrase brave C.D,, “For the first nearly 60 years of my life (until pro social good Blair’s Law in November Y2K) my Human Rights were violated and I was denied the basic freedom to legally have mere benign SeX with a consenting male of 16 or 17, or to take intimate photographs of him.”


  10. Err-ection, detection correction.

    SORRY YT – Tina’s ole memory stick got stuck – now UNstuck re-screened ‘The League Of Gents’,

    Post-their FIRST BIG Job pissing on Brit army B.S. by stealing arms for their BIG Heist. Then holed up back at base, “Anything in the Stop Press?'” “No…just Vicar on grave charge!”

    Plus – Quel Surprize.

    Further typical all Anglo repressed SeX with their BIG handsome butch fitness man a closet HIGHLY ILLEGAL/CRIMINAL – GAY/POOF/QUEER/BENDER/SHIRT LIFTER/TURD PRODDER in UnSwingin ’60 – OMFG! Tho they NAILED the old OUT stereotype prancing Queens at the rehearsal rooms, one played by REAL macho man Olly Reed – Ben Dover & Phil McCavity??

    A truly underrated True Brit Classic among sooo many now cRudely mainstream FASCIST BLOCKED in post-SeXy ’70s PC/Pure Cowards BAD JOKE MadHagMag/MadDogMurdochs’ anti social True $HIT Brit B.S. B£ighty all for profit not for people. Misquote True Brit Songbird Vera ‘Linnet’, “Buzzards Over Brown Cliffs Of Dover – Wake Up Smell the Bullshit.”

    Then true quote Forces Fave Dame Vera TV-interviewed overlooking dire Dover on the 60th of VE-Day, May ’05:

    “Was it all worth it?!”


  11. Prat Tina, Part 5.

    Top ‘n’ Tailing the whole UK kid lovin SeXy 70s with humour and hubris, was Scouseville SuperPed True Brit Broadcaster/D.J. John (Ravenscroft) Peel.

    In Dallas, Tx, Swingin ’65 SuperPed Peel, 26, wed proud adultophile Shirley Anne Milburn, 15. (Kinda Liverpool Echoes Good Ole Southern Boy Rock God UberPed Presley, 25, dated proud adultophile Priscilla, 14, in Deutschland Rockin’ 59.)

    In the gloriously notorious Oz Mag c. SeXy ’71 SuperPed Peel wrote, paraphrased:

    “Today I sat on sunny Primrose Hill just to watch the mini-skirted schoolgirls tripping by.”

    And c. SeXy ’79 on his straight-Beeb R.1. ‘Night Ride’/ ‘John Peel’ show one Monday night a c. 40 yr old SuperPed Peel ripely referenced the Beeb TV religioso family Sunday eve hallowed Church halls green fruit choristers:

    “For all fans of the English schoolgirl. If you missed last night’s edition of ‘Songs Of Praise’, then you missed a classic!”

    Bowing out WAY too soon the Late Great Peel’s last radio prog was a sooo aptly titled, ‘Home Truths’. And his last interview last lines (Indie On Sunday 29 Aug 2004) are conclusive, “Rupert Murdoch has destroyed most of what was good about this country!”


  12. 4th installment of (real boring) BOSS Bitch Tina’s – ‘Pedo Fun in Popular Cultcha’?

    Rockin ’58 lil/BIG book became a Swingin ’60 BIG Brit Crim Flick, “The League of Gentleman”.

    Still a straight Anglo classic of honest dissent against a BIG bent system. Had/has master thespians & some luvvies including suave Nigel Patrick & streetwize tricky DICKie Attenborough both hard ribbing rogue vicar/pedo Roger *Livesey. (Mo’ later on ex-trash tabloid Ed. Pro-ped *Livesey Tony, now ‘respectable’ bent-Beeb R.5 Lies BIG presenter.)

    Subtle ped refs persuasively laced into a tight text & lean script respectively by John Boland & Bryan Forbes-also in the BIG cast.

    E.G. Holed up post-their BIG heist, checking the latest news rag, “Anything in the ‘Stop Press’?” “No… just, ‘Vicar held on serious charge.” (Lines CUT in this inline/PC-Puritan Cowards’ YT take?) Plus, “Poor old Padre, now that he can afford to sin, it takes the edge off it…should move to California and start his own religion.” Plus, a fond farewell, “Keep up the GOOD work Pardre!” (gives the Scout’s salute).

    PLUS (spoiler alert) a finely nuanced nonces irony, the BIG Job finally foiled by a lil Free Range street lad!

    Those WERE the daze of our lil lives…yet to cum?


  13. UK real edgy stand-up comic (near the stage edge for fast escape) Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown. In a packed Cleveland northeast England club during the 19Hateys typical Anglo Gothic KidSeX fake Satanic panic. Which included Cleveland close by Brown’s home town Middlesboro:

    “Eee thar’s a goodly crowd in here toneet. I thought you’d all be at home fucking yer kids!”


  14. Edgy meek and mild man Woody Allen’s ancient priest in his SeXy ’75 self-made ‘War & Peace’ parody – ‘Love & Death’:

    “I have lived many years and after many trials and tribulations I have cum to the conclusion that the best thing is.. .blonde twelve year old girls! TWO of them whenever possible!!”

    BIG Bonus Woody quote, “Some folks ask me if the SeX act is depraved? And I say ‘YES! If it’s done right!!’ ”


  15. Wildman shock Jock Billy Connolly ‘Live’ TV post-SeXy ’76 Montreal O-limp-pricks:

    “Did ye see them amazin’ wee skinny gel gymnasts spreadin’ their-selves all o’er the place? Woz yooze guyz like me right up at the screen givin’ it some?!”


  16. Great seXentric Emo Philips, 19Hateys ‘Live’ TV, “Once in botany class the teacher asked, ‘What is a propagator?’ I quickly replied, ‘Someone with an unnatural liking for little girls.’ ‘No Philips you degenerate, it isn’t! Go to the head for punishment.’ As I approached the head master’s study a crying boy came out holding his bottom and I thought, ‘Oh God! I hope the head doesn’t find ME attractive.’ ”

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sure I have been in houses where they were on display. One house, in particular, was so full of this type of stuff that it was impossible to take it all in, especially as my then girlfriend’s father had just come out of the closet and did everything he could to seduce me whenever I was there. But no, I haven’t noticed them before. And even so, I think the light switch takes the… cake?


  17. Here’s some of my favorites. Feel free to steal them for your next installment.

    How many pedophiles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Unknown. They all keep trying to comfort the little girl who’s scared of the dark rather than replacing the burnt out bulb.

    This couple had an excellent relationship going until one day he came home from work to find his girlfriend packing. He asked her why she was leaving him and she told him that she had heard awful things about him.
    “What could they possibly have said to make you move out?”
    “They told me that you were a pedophile.”
    He replied, “Wow honey, I’m so proud of you! That’s a mighty big word for a six year old.”

    One pedophile says to another pedophile, “you got two fives for a ten?”

    What’s a pedophile’s favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period.

    The pedophile skipped breakfast but grabbed a little something on his way to work.

    What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl?
    “Hey, little girl, you want to buy some candy?”

    Could YOU be living next door to a pedophile?
    Not me! I live next door to two sexy ten year olds.

    Why is a pedophile like a tortoise?
    Because he gets there before the hare.

    What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
    Having to go to bed so early.

    I had my dreams crushed yesterday.
    It turns out the newspaper headline “Town still looking for pedophile” wasn’t a vacancy.

    Scientists have discovered that some fish have pedophile tendencies.
    Specifically, the ones that swim outside the school.

    A pedophile stops two 10 year old girls in the forest. He says to them kindly:
    “Girls I’ll give you each a sweet if I can touch your hair.”
    The two girls look at each other and they say that’s fine. He gives them the sweets and strokes their hair.
    “I’ll give you two more sweets, if I can stroke your shoulders.”
    The two girls say fine, he gives them the sweets, and strokes their shoulder. Then he says:
    “I’ll give you two more sweets if I can stroke your backs.”
    The two girls look at each other and one says to the other:
    “By the time he fucks us, we’ll be diabetic.”

    My girlfriend said “I’ve heard that there’s a pedophile in the area, do you think it’s true?”
    “No, of course not. It’s just stories.” I replied. “Now go to bed or you’ll be tired at school tomorrow.”

    If Santa isn’t a pedophile he is wasting a massive opportunity.

    My friend accused me of being a pedophile earlier.
    “How dare you?” I shouted. “I only said your daughter looked hot and asked if she wanted an ice cream!”
    “Maybe so,” he replied, “but you said those two things ten minutes apart…”

    Being a pedophile can be risky.
    Sometimes it can be touch and go.

    What’s the worst thing about being a pedophile?
    You just can’t fit in.

    Whats the hardest thing about having sex with a virgin these days?
    Getting them away from the preschool.

    A man is accused of child molestation, however he is let go, when the child was asked if the man did good touch or bad touch, she said GREAT touch.

    Pedophiles aren’t all bad. At least they slow down in school zones.

    A student came by my office, closed the door and told me she’d be willing to do anything at all, emphasis on *anything* to get a better grade.
    So we did a bit of the old in-out, although I felt slightly bad for not telling her that there’s no grades in preschool.

    I went to get a prescription for birth control for my 12 year old daughter, and the doctor asked if she was already sexually active.
    I told him not really, she pretty much just lies there like her mother.

    What do parents and pedophiles both want, but find hard to achieve?
    Children going to bed.

    I told my girlfriend that I am a pedophile. She took it well and said she already knew.
    “How did you know?”
    “Because I’m seven.”

    “I have to pick my girlfriend up from the daycare.”
    “Oh, is she good with kids?”
    “I hope so. She needs a few friends her own age.”

    Why is Halloween a pedophile’s favorite holiday?
    Free delivery.


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