The blogger’s parents showed great prescience when they chose for him  – “mewling and puking” in the priest’s becassocked arms – to be christened with the pseudonym Leonard Mann: the film ‘Leon’ was as of yet not even a glimmer in the infant Luc Besson’s eye, and surely Sally Mann (still young enough to show her age by holding up the fingers of one dimpled hand) had yet to expose, develop and print her first 8×10-inch evocation of the erotic reverie of childhood.

The ‘Sisyphus’ soon sandwiched its way into his name when his parents noted, to their delight, young Leonard’s penchant for rolling near-spherical rocks up steep slopes, and for undertaking other such-like futile and fruitless challenges.

A one-time Pocket Swabber, Leonard spends much of his spare time thinking about Paedophilia, child sexuality and other related issues. Sometimes quite vigorously.

His other interests include Art, Photography, Philosophy, Sociology, Music, Literature, Poetry, Politics, Ecology, Latin and Mycology – all of which (except maybe the last) he hopes, at some point, to shoe-horn into a blog about paedophilia.

Leonard’s ambition is to change the world. Hopefully before lunch time.

Leonard’s grid reference can be found in any good world atlas. If Leonard were to become a millionaire he’d buy himself a new pair of shoe laces as the ones he currently owns have more knots in them than the bastarding Cutty Sark. He is an expert tea-drinker and can speak.

Whenever he sees suspicious characters lurking, Leonard disguises himself as an old Guatemalan woman (called Pedrita) and her donkey (rather unimaginatively called ‘el Burro’). She is married to a wasp farmer. She contributes to the household finances by hiring out her trusty and belovéd old donkey to people wanting to take goods across the harsh, tropical jungle in that country’s northern lowlands (the Petén). She likes, of an evening, to sing the strange, piping, pentatonic folk songs of the now almost disappeared indians that she remembers from her childhood. She sometimes, and for no apparent reason, says ‘yippa, yippa ondolé, ondolé!’, as do all Central Americans.

This blog actually came about by accident. This accident also involved him getting his head badly stuck, finding an old five-shilling piece his grandmother had mislaid decades ago, and him spending several hours unsuccessfully removing Marmite from John Ruskin’s Sesame and Lilies. The sesame actually tasted quite nice afterwards, but the éclat of the lilies couldn’t quite be restored.

This blog will be a potpourri: some posts will be serious and dry, others will be light-hearted and moist. Some will be veritably water-logged.

51 thoughts on “About the Blog and the Blogger

  1. I’m not a pedophile but a sympathizer, and the other day I found something interesting around how society views pedophilia and I can’t stop thinking about it. This is going to be a lot- sorry for the long comment.
    I don’t know if you’ve watched “Black Mirror”- it’s a Netflix TV show where each episode is dedicated to creating a horror story centered around how modern technology can be used for evil. There’s an episode called “Shut Up And Dance” where multiple people are being blackmailed using private info found on them via webcams that, if leaked, could destroy their lives. These people are forced to commit crimes and torture each other- rob banks, kill one another, do anything for the people controlling them- all terrible things that are always painted in a light sympathizing with the victims. Throughout the episode you’re not sure exactly what the main character has done and in the end it’s revealed that the webcam caught him masturbating to pictures of children. What surprises me about the episode is that he still remains the sympathetic character. There’s no revelation of “he was the bad guy all along” or “he deserved it”- he’s put in the same category with other characters with much lesser, forgivable crimes.
    I was watching this episode with a friend and I didn’t tell her the twist ending, so she spent the whole episode actively caring for this main character, wanting him to come out okay, only for her to learn he was a pedophile. The moment the secret was revealed, though, she didn’t believe it. In the show another character accuses him of being a pedophile and the main character doesn’t deny it- he looks guilty and the audience knows it’s true. But my friend laughed and said “not quite” then dismissed it completely. She didn’t believe it until it was confirmed more solidly later. (Afterward I wanted to ask how her opinion of him had changed, but I was worried that would be too suspicious so I left it alone.)
    I’m 99.99% sure my friend hates pedophiles as much as the rest of society, so I wonder if she sympathized so much with this character that it didn’t even cross her mind he could be something horrible like a pedophile. The words “good person” and “pedophile” are never put together and maybe when somebody is faced with that fact, they do anything they can to push it away.
    Furthermore, the episode itself could be seen as pro-pedophilia. Or at least, not anti-pedophilia. Pedophilia wasn’t the subject of the episode- it was technology. The horror of the story didn’t center on pedophiles’ existence, it was how technology can be used for evil… therefore not painting the pedophile in an evil light. But it didn’t focus on the evil of how pedophiles’ lives are ruined, either.
    It’s possible I might have interpreted it wrong because I already think of pedophilia differently from most people. (I was waiting for my friend to comment on how it didn’t exactly condemn those people, but she didn’t mention it- so maybe it did paint him as the bad guy, to her.) But, to me, it was a very unusual (and progressive) way of talking about how pedophiles are just.. normal people.
    Even finding something in the middle of condemning and defending pedophilia is nearly impossible in mainstream media. Wonder if this is a sign of people’s opinions beginning to change.. or at least some people thinking of a new outlook on pedophiles and how evil they really are?
    Sorry for the long post! It’s a lot to talk about and I could probably talk about it a lot more. But I don’t have anywhere else to discuss this and I thought it’d be interesting at least to get a different opinion from someone who’s done a lot more research than me.


    1. Thanks for that, Ain.

      I’ve not seen the episode you mention, nor any Black Mirror episodes. However I have intermittently followed Charlie Brooker – the series’ creator – and I’ve just watched a couple of clips relating to the episode in question ( and It looks quite harrowing, and from reading reviews and hearing discussions of the series I’m not sure that it’s quite my cup of tea…I’ve never been into the ‘torture porn’ genre – though I think that ‘horror’ of whatever form tells us a huge amount about ourselves and our culture.

      The points you make are interesting and indicate that at some fringes paedophilia might at least be moving sufficiently into the Overton Window for at least people to be able to THINK about it without getting hysterical. And incorporate it into art and culture without condemnation of it having to be foregrounded and laboured – the portrayal of a real person as a paedophile and without his paedophilia being the focus of the drama is indeed interesting, this allows the person to be presented as having an identity that is more than just a paedophile.

      The first video confirms your observation that the other three ‘offenders’ all did things that are not illegal (very mild racism, being a pervert, being unfaithful to a partner). Could there be the implication that looking at child porn is, like these, actually a rather mild offense?

      It’s hard for me to say – I’ve been somewhat uninvolved in paedo issues this past couple of years, but I get the impression that the hysteria round paedophilia has somewhat died down – I wouldn’t be surprised if creative people and thinkers became interested in exploring this most stigmatised of identities – artists, actors, writers etc are drawn to extremities.

      BTW it’s interesting to scroll through the comments to the youtube videos:

      “Pedophiles look so normal until you realize they are not”

      “The mum is the one that’s hot not the little girl.”

      “This is actually the saddest thing I’ve ever seen”

      “Kenny is such a gentleman, I hope one day he will meet the right 8 year old that completes him. Good luck buddy.”

      “When Kenny got close to the little girl, his behavior seemed strange to me, his big smile and how he got on his knees to talk to her just because she forgot a toy, but i thought i was overreacting and then….well…the end”


    2. Some not particularly relevant after-thoughts occurred to me over-night, regarding the the two videos I watched about the episode in question.

      In video the paedophile interacts with a little girl in the fast-food outlet where he works. I’ve noticed that contemporary film and TV have a ‘type’ of little girl they always employ in such interactions – always a child that is presentable, clean, but neutral, not startlingly beautiful, nor particularly sensuous looking. ‘Sweet’ not ‘hot’. The producers would never use a child that a paedophile might on first sight think ‘crikey, she looks HOT!’ –

      Is this because to do so would be a tacit acknowledgment of something that has to be denied – that children can be ‘hot’ – and that innocent viewers, finding themselves recognising the ‘hotness’ of the child would be too implicated in the paedophile mind-set?

      In the other video the youtube commentator seems to imply that Kenny might be interested in a ‘kid’ in the lobby – a boy of about 17! ( – this betrays the crude undifferentiated view the world has of paedophiles – why would a young man who is interested in a girl of 7 or 8 have any interest in the young adult in the hotel lobby!? The popular narrative would have a ‘paedophile’ as equally attracted to a baby girl and a man in his late teens – of course, the latter is not ‘paedophilia’, it’s not even hebephilia – but that is the ‘narrative’.


    1. Your blog raises some very complex issues.
      I am not against suicide. For example I believe in euthanasia, provided that rigorous ethical conditions are fulfilled.

      However your blog goes against what I believe is the best road forwards for paedophiles: ‘living well’.

      Living well is not only our best revenge, it is also an assertion of our self-belief, and of the essential goodness of our love.

      I DO understand that many young paedophiles can feel a level of alienation and despair that can make suicide a tempting option and I have sympathy for them, but what we need to do is make available an idea of ‘paedophilia’ and ‘the paedophile’ that offers them self-respect and a stake in Society and Existence. We also need to promote the idea that a paedophile can have a very rewarding ‘love life’ without ever breaking the law.

      Yes, of course we’d all like to share intimacy with those we love – but if we can reconcile ourselves to keeping on the ‘simple side’ of the law, it is possible to live happily as a paedophile, and to find and give love. I fear that your site promotes despair, and stems from a view of paedophilia that is too exclusively focused on sexual fulfillment.

      I nevertheless will publish your link as I believe people should be able to decide for themselves.


      1. I joined Suiped recently as I searched around for this and that. It is sparsely populated, at least for now.

        However, after researching a little on Nathan Larson, I found that he is quite polar, putting it mildly. If I have interpreted things correctly, he is an example of someone who would wish for a second holocaust and various other abhorrent events.

        Whilst I agree with Lensmann that people should be left to decide for themselves re suicide and Suiped, I would strongly advise looking into Nathan Larson before considering reading too far into his site.


    1. As a rule – no.

      Sorry, but you have to understand that as a paedophile I’m not going to engage too personally with anonymous people – nothing personal, just animal caution.

      But if you’re an old friend, or have something private to tell me you can leave a comment here with ‘DO NOT APPROVE’ clearly marked at the top.


      1. Hmm, that’s a bit surprising to me. You’ve shared on here the ways that children have sexually interacted with you (some of which already could land you on trouble), elsewhere you imply that you’ve openly told people in real life you’re a paedophile.

        If you’re wondering, I don’t personally know you. I simply want to discuss some things with you – things which concern society in general, not me or you personally. There is absolutely no personally identifying thing, or even personal thing at all, that you’d have to tell me.

        Not to seem pushy though. You set your security rule. But, in any case, I have Torchat. You can create a throw-away ID there if you already have another.


        1. >”You’ve shared on here the ways that children have sexually interacted with you (some of which already could land you on trouble)”

          What have I said that suggests that I’ve ever sexually interacted with a child?

          It sounds like the fictional me that exists in your imagination has led a hell of a lot more interesting life than the real life me sat here typing this message!

          >”elsewhere you imply that you’ve openly told people in real life you’re a paedophile.”

          Yes, but only people I know very well and trust.


          1. On one of your posts, for instance, you said a boy showed you his boner. Already that both could land you in trouble and is personal. Whether you define this as ‘interaction’, though, is for anther discussion, but I believe that to be irrelevant for the point I’m making here.


            1. That’s just barmy.

              Given that I didn’t know he was going to do it – how should I have prevented him from doing it? should I have turned myself into the cops afterwards for the heinous crime of ‘being flashed at by a little boy’?

              You hint that you’ve got something important to discuss with me – could you address whatever that is please.


              1. These details are irrelevant. The point is that you’re sharing personal things here, while merely having a real-time conversation, for which it is hardly a requirement that you discuss in any other way or to any other than you do so publicly here with other people, seems insecure to you. In other words, it does not constitute any more personal form of interaction than you have with others in comments here, merely the type of technology used to hold it (which allows a more responsive conversation) changes. It doesn’t matter that you’re a paedophile for this, because that doesn’t instantly put you in to danger. It’s how you behave, which may have a connection to you being a paedophile, that does.

                Also, a boy showing you his dick – and the events that have led up to and influenced this – and you publicly sharing this is clearly enough to put you in danger, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. We could also talk endlessly about how ridiculous it is for an age of consent to exist, yet the fact that it is ridiculous wouldn’t save anyone from trouble.

                Anyway, I want to discuss a lot of points, which include: laws regarding sexual morality, “child sexual abuse” research, adult-child intimacy, the nature of children’s sexuality, etc. etc. etc. If you do want to discuss this in comments then I’ll just write a relevant comment in an entry somewhen.


                1. >”Anyway, I want to discuss a lot of points, which include: laws regarding sexual morality, “child sexual abuse” research, adult-child intimacy, the nature of children’s sexuality, etc. etc. etc. If you do want to discuss this in comments then I’ll just write a relevant comment in an entry somewhen.”

                  I think that this is probably best – the trouble with real-time conversations is that one can easily end up saying more than one intended, and can’t go back and edit out that indiscretion – whereas on a comments section one can really give time and thought to what one writes.

                  Plus it’s good to share one’s ideas and questions with a larger community – the responses are more varied and interesting than just with one person.

                  I look forwards to reading your comment(s).


  2. Hey Lensman! I love your blog, it’s very inspiring and I love the way you write. I hope that I could become as eloquent a writer as you someday. I had a favor to ask of you. I wrote a short article about “love equality” and I was hoping that maybe you could could give me some suggestions or criticism. I know you’re probably busy right now, so if you can’t look over it at the moment it’s fine.


    1. Thanks so much for your appreciative comments, beyourselfunless.

      The truth is that, though I enjoy writing, I also find writing a really very difficult and slow process. I’ve been posting once a week for the last month or so but am considering slowing down to posting twice a month. This blog sometimes feels like a new-born baby – taking up every spare second of my life!

      >”I wrote a short article about “love equality” and I was hoping that maybe you could could give me some suggestions or criticism.”

      Yes, I’d be happy to have a look over your article. You can send it me as a comment (which I’ll keep ‘unapproved’).


  3. “Good riddance all.” Well, I guess the guy includes me in that message as I have contributed to Lensman’s fine blog also, then of course there are the millions of other minor-attracted people that happen to live in the world too. Trouble is, we always have been here and always will, so we evidently cannot be got rid of as easily as that. We are a fundamental part of the immutable, but so often misunderstood, human-sexual-diversity rainbow.

    “I think that before puberty are not sexual at all.” When I was a prepubescent boy at the age of six, I began to fool around with other school mates, very occasionally at first, but then more frequently, especially between nine and eleven years old. Each intimate liked to be pleasured differently: one boy loved mutual finger-fucking and then smelling those fingers that had pleasured, but always said no to having his genitals fondled; another boy loved to be kissed and hugged with no genital touching; yet another boy – like me – loved to be wanked and sucked. “Not sexual at all”, sorry chum, you align yourself with the ignorant and in-denial society if you believe that. Prepubescent kids have as much desire as adults when it comes to feeling sexy.

    Let us hope that one day, when you have acquired more wisdom and forsaken the vitriol, you will come to appreciate that the world around you turns more smoothly when it is oiled with love rather than with hate.


  4. This is my last message:

    Congratulations. You’re just everything my religion forbids, just missing you that you like adult men. Unfortunately nobody is perfect, but you’re a suppressive person, like everyone else in BC, GC, Virped, etc. It is useless to try your salvation, or with all the others, but you do not fool me me with your anti-religious bullshit, neither you nor degenerate adultophiles as Dawkins, who incidentally he owe me a new computer, the other one broke because when I was outraged when atheists attacked pedophiles like you in their forum, I kicked it… What asshole I was seven months ago!

    But it’s no problem. Now my hebephilia, that is doing me so much good to my mind as never did pedophilia and adultophilia (nor ever will), because the two just cause both pain and despair to the world, be a new religion, to save the world from the perversion and misery of the suppressive sexualities.

    I understand you. You do not know nothing about the soul, that never you have had any of you, yeah, those people who degenerate my species with their adultophilia and pervert the innocent with their pedophilia.

    You’re wondering if I really hate pedophilia although I have pedophile feelings. Really, yes, I think it is an abuse, I think it is bad, children are not prepared at all that kind of stuff, I think it’s dangerous and bad for the mind, I think no one should touch a child, nobody should take photos or make pornography with them, I think that before puberty are not sexual at all, and in the end, I believe that pedophilia is a disorder such as adultophilia, and that’s truth, is the truth more hardest of all but the most necessary to admit it, but you are trapped in that cult like me too as long ago.

    I sincerely desire a world in that pedophilia was good, children were sexual, that I would marry and have a serious relationship with a little girl, but no, and that’s what hurts me most of all. Pedophilia is the worst bogus religion and deceit in the world.

    Good riddance all.


    1. >”This is my last message:”

      Sorry to read that, but clearly you feel that I am beyond redemption and so maybe it’s right that we should go our separate ways.

      Thanks for those contributions you’ve made and the discussions we’ve shared.

      >”You’re just everything my religion forbids”

      Well, I’m pretty used to that – most religions forbid most of the things I am.

      >”I understand you. You do not know nothing about the soul, that never you have had any of you, yeah, those people who degenerate my species with their adultophilia and pervert the innocent with their pedophilia.”

      Thanks. I appreciate you having made such efforts to understand me. Good luck with starting your new religion and on your plans to mold the world in your image.


    1. Hi LOLMAN,

      Defining Ages of Attraction always feels a bit categorical as I’m entirely open to be attracted to individuals outside my usual AoA, and the fact that someone falls within my AoA doesn’t mean I’ll necessarily find them attractive – but here goes:

      girls: 3-11,then 18-40,
      boys: 4-9.


        1. Yes, I know.

          I guess I’m a man of extremes: I like my little girls to be, well, ‘little girls’ and my women to be very womanly – plenty of curves and body hair.

          Adolescents seem to offer neither the charm and life-force of little girls nor the brute sexual power of women.

          Having said that I have found certain adolescent girls very attractive – but it’s always been a case of them having to win that admiration from me by being very charming, attentive and flirty towards me.

          Adolescent girls just don’t fascinate me in the way little girls do.


  5. Super clip from Spirit of the Beehive, thanks. I really have no clue what species he squished underfoot; he mentioned black gills, so maybe it was a really old Agaricus arvensis. Clitocybe nebularis tends to be a woodland floor leaf-litter dweller and grows in rings, and not something one might expect to find in a sparse coniferous copse in arid Espagne, but anyway the specimen depicted (whatever it was) may have been brought in from somewhere else and propped up (sorry to be a kill-joy). Caesar’s mushroom is a definite top ten species for me. Incidentally, the two girls are so natural and gorgeous; I must make an effort to watch the film soon.


  6. Kool! Perhaps you should add a mycology section to your blog, otherwise we might just bore the pants off others; however, maybe there is not mush room left to do this. Yes, last year (with its high rainfall) was phenomenal here, with some new species to try: Amanita caesarea, Craterellus cornucopioides, and Morchella esculenta. Historically, where I live, land-owners forbade their serfs from consuming Caesar’s mushroom; instead, if ever labourers found one, they were obliged to take it straight to the land-owner’s kitchens. Amazingly, for an Amanita, one can eat it raw in salads. I tried rubescens a long time ago, and although I found it to be utterly delicious, I was a complete hypochondriac for a day or so afterwards. I will certainly keep a look out for the Jack o’Lantern fungi.

    Perhaps there is something in what you say. I have always been a tad ADHD, and become very focused on those things that particularly interest me, topics that others have zero interest in usually. I am sure Freud would have something to say about the twin interests of child beauty and fungi though, but then, interestingly, Freud was a fungi foray fanatic, and of course, he had quite a lot to say about the existence of child sexuality, challenging the view that children are asexual. Does that make him a MAP (mushroom addicted person)?


    1. >“maybe there is not mush room left to do this.”
      >“Does that make him a MAP (mushroom addicted person)”

      Oh, groan (x2)!

      >“Amanita caesarea”

      I’ve never found one of these, they look so beautiful in the guides. Do they taste as wonderful as all the fuss about them would suggest?

      You’ve set me thinking about possible connections between fungi and child-love – I’ve once or twice taken a little-girl friend out looking for mushrooms with me, and they’ve always thoroughly enjoyed it. There’s scene in one of my favourite child-related films ‘The Spirit of the Beehive’ (El espíritu de la colmena) in which a father takes his two little girls out looking for mushrooms – we get to see him giving grave warning to the girls about some particular mushroom being poisonous – you’d expect a Death Cap or Galerina marginata or something – but to me it looks more like some old Clitocybe nebularis. I think they must have chosen to film in these woods and had to settle for whatever they could find to stand in for the ‘most poisonous’ fungus in the world.

      Here’s the clip (without sound, for some reason) –


  7. Hey Lensman, this summer has been el scorchio where I am, and the fungi season has been real slow to date. However, an inch of rain two days back produced an initial small crop of various species. Amongst these I came across some Cantharellus cibarius which I duly collected and cooked with last night’s supper. Like me, you too are a fun-guy it seems 😀


    1. I wonder if paedophiles have a disposition to mycology? After all they both involve taking an inordinate interest in small, delicate, ephemeral things, whose beauty is not only over-looked by most people, but is treated with suspicion by the ignorant and uninitiated.

      Also both fungi and little girls/boys, if we get them wrong, can land us in one hell of a lot of serious trouble.

      We had a good year for Cantharellus cibarius last Autumn. My favourite eater however is Amanita rubescens – they have the added advantage that the locals don’t touch them.

      But I’m a real devotee of the poisonous fungi – a couple of years ago I found a wide ring of beautiful Amanita phalloides and one of my most exciting recent finds were the grounds of a school filled with luminous Omphalotus olearius.


  8. Hey, Lesman, out there I read that you said that there were two Japanese video games (I think) who were pro-pedophile or at least pro-lolicon… you can enlighten me more about this? It is that as a lover of video games, I’m very interested in this topic.


    1. Hmm, sorry TNSO, I think you must be confusing me with someone else – I really know almost nothing about video games.

      What little I know is that there is a free German pro-paedo video game out there called “Bernd and the Mystery of Unteralterbach”

      It is an english-language Visual Novel with erotic content.

      “In the game the player slips into the role of Bernd, who relocates from the big city to the bavarian backwoods. The first time on his own in his life, he gets a job at the Federal Office for the Implementation of the Oktoberfest …”

      Apparently Bernd gets mixed up with some child erotica production company that is run by the children themselves, or something like that…

      – you’ll find it here


  9. Oh, well, that’s a tough one then.

    I guess that you’ll struggle to register if you’re wanting to avoid javascript. I can assure you though that my own house hasn’t been burnt down, though a healthy dose of paranoia isn’t a bad thing. Maybe Torchat might be your best option.


    1. That annoying is Twitter! I had done illusions! But… At the end I was able to get an account and a blog on wordpress, which is something, at last! technology and me do not get along very well!

      Now I can express my feelings without complexes, I’m better than ever, I am happy and at peace with myself.

      Thanks for “making me” a pedophile again, I love all the girls at (almost) all ages, that’s the truth that I shall never be denied.

      Now I dedicate my love for girls and preaching my religion, in reality this if it was a deep feeling, not a product of hatred, hopefully my religion will do the easier way for love between adults and children, and here you always will have a faith where you can be yourself, even if that is not for you this religious mumbo-jumbo, no problem.

      I hope that you go occasionally to for my blog, because all childlovers are brothers and sisters, no matter if you are religious or not, everything that promotes childlove is welcome.

      Thank you all once again, you are the only person who has helped me all this time, you’re an angel of God, believe me I know what I’m talking about.


      1. Glad to see you’re starting a blog – be warned – it’s addictive! Writing you ideas out, having to think about them and express them is a great mental exercise and a great pleasure. And yes, of course I’ll check out your blog.

        Good old WordPress, eh?


  10. Twitter? I’ve never been in a social network, I will look to see how it goes … Ehhh Sorry to be a little pain in the ass but … now I’m banned for life of the pedophile activism, then I do? I commit suicide? I do not have anywhere spot to express my feelings, do not even have friends, I’m all alone in the end I’ll end up like Paul Christiano…

    Whichever way I go, I always end up at the same exact spot, alone. I still can’t get used to this fog in my mind… It’s weird that Christiano disappeared without a trace. Maybe he found a way out of this pain?… I also died as a person long ago, and I do not even more love a little girl… I remember with happiness that time I liked watching lolicon and dreamed with to love a girl. At last, now I’m the emperor in my own damn world… the emperor of the north pole… Sincerely, I do not regret what I said in GC and BC, but I regret to have lost my integrity as a person, because I sold my love for hatred. I wonder how things would have turned out… Ah, screw it. That Decent Girl Lover died a long time ago… And this fraud of Decent GL the Savior will follow him… that’s justice, I suppose…


    1. Yes, Decent Girlover – give Twitter a go – I’ll be there waiting for you, as will others who I know will welcome your presence.

      You’ve not been ‘banned for life’ from anything! I’m sure GC and BC would welcome you back provided you first addressed whatever it was created bad feelings between you.

      Can I talk frankly to you?

      You, like many of us, feel lonely and feel anger at the hatred and misunderstanding of the dominant culture. You are isolated and have to cope with these negative feelings alone – your ideas have emerged from your resentment of the dominant culture rather than out of reason.

      The vehemence with which you express and defend yourself is a way of protecting ideas that are not well supported by reason – your ideas are emotional cudgels with which to attack a world you perceive as hating you. Fair enough. In a way. We’ve all wanted to spit in the eye of the haters and the antis.

      You may feel isolated, but there are millions like us out there, and, as you know, there are communities – these are not your enemies, these are your brothers and sisters – you don’t need to cudgel them with your provocations. It’s in the nature of being a provocateur that you’re going to piss people off – just make sure that it’s the right people you piss off and not your potential friends.

      I get the impression from what you write that you’re culturally and philosophically isolated, your ideas have emerged not from discussion, study, research and debate but from an understandable, if not too healthy, preoccupation with your own condition and problems.

      And this seems to be resulting in your continuing isolation. There are millions of us out there. Before we change the world we each one of us need to get some grip on ourselves. To change the world, we first have to change ourselves. We each one of need to educate ourselves.

      What all movements of the oppressed have had to do is to access, create and plug into a shared culture. By doing so we validate ourselves, understand ourselves, understand the forces that oppress us, build solidarity between ourselves and start to act and organise ourselves.

      Paedophilia has a big culture – philosophy, history, anthropology, literature, art, poetry, science, research, politics. Indeed there should be departments of paedophilia at universities!

      But your ideas don’t seem to be informed by any of this – they seem to have grown purely from your individual sufferings and experiences – you seem to have little perspective on what you are going through and are laboriously and painfully trying to reinvent the wheel.

      I’d urge you to educate yourself and to become part of the enculturation of paedophiles – rethink your ideas in the light of knowledge and reason rather than your gut-reaction to your oppression.

      I know a lot of this may read as a bit condescending… sorry if that is the case. But the cultural isolation of young (I get the impression that you are ‘young’) paedophiles is a big problem, and I wonder if it is this that is causing you a lot of your difficulties.

      I’m happy to continue this conversation with you on Twitter so do give that a go (though, as someone with a too-demanding full-time job, and other responsibilities, and a new-born blog to tend and nurture it’s always a bit of a struggle finding Time).


      1. I’ve tried but… says I need a phone number! I’m not so stupid to give it my phone number to somebody… it is suicide! I’ve seen out there that are only requested to people who use VPN or Tor, but if I don’t use it, somebody will know my IP, which is also unsafe, is there any way to join without people find me and burn my house?

        By the way, I read that this measures of phones numbers is since February 2015, so that possibly has not happened to you.


  11. Hello friend, I’ll throw you a couple of questions that run through my head lately, for if you want to answer:

    When it’s a boy for you? I mean, a child is a prepubertal, but it is also child at puberty? someone 12 years old is a child or teenager? then it would pedophilia or hebephilia? This I tell you that I like girls aged 12 years old but not older. I lately thought they were teenagers (not children) from puberty (around 10, I think) to up, so I called me a pedohebephile instead of just pedophile, I think that much difference between someone of seven years and one of 12 years, they can not be “kids” or “child”… I refuse to see it, a girl with 12 years may not be a “kid” if some have more chest and are taller that some adult women!

    And last, is something technical, when is pedophilia or hebephilia? I had read that (in general) is 10 (or 11) to 14, but that stupid “film-farce” “all men are pedophiles?” the hebephilia is to +13. That according to that film I would not be a hebephile, but according to others if I would be a hebe. Although actually I think that the “fixed ages” is stupid, are arbitrary ages, everyone is different at different ages.

    Here in Wikidictionary I think they approach the most correct version:
    – Adult sexual attraction primarily or exclusively towards pubescent children.
    – Primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent and early pubescent children by an adult.
    – Adult sexual attraction towards late pubescent or postpubescent adolescents
    – Sexual attraction to children by adults.

    You see, according to this table I am a “pedohebephile”, I like girls in the “early” puberty, not the “late” puberty, and I also like prepubescent, that explains that only like me girls aged 12 and lower, not at 13 or 14.

    But also if you see carefully, pedophilia appears as “sexual attraction to children” and “pubescent” are also considered children (like prepubescent) not teenagers, it is interesting, I think this is quite enough to think about it more carefully, I think it is a good contribution to your blog, they are very important things to clarify.


    1. Thank you for your question, Decent Girlover. I think that you do a good job of answering your own question though – I think puberty is a useful demarcation between paedo- and hebe – though these should never be thought as limiters to your desires and love. At different times I’ve been a nepi, a paedo, a hebe, a ephebo, a teleio, plus homo as well as hetero. I kind of like to let myself respond to the person in question – be it a boy of 3, a 13 year old girl or a woman of 30 – my label changes according to who is popping my cork at that moment.

      Being able to classify such things is useful, especially for researchers – but I wouldn’t worry too much about which definition applies to you – you can be many things. Desire and Love should be responses to someone who moves you and inspires you, not to a category, a number or a definition.

      Give yourself permission to love whoever is worthy of your love and don’t get too hung-up about their age or level of physical development.


        1. hi, Decent Girlover – probably the best would be for you to join Twitter (if you’re not already a member) and to follow my account (you can link directly to it by the little twitter logo at the bottom right side of my blog pages). Twitter has a message function which permits text conversations.


  12. Hi, I’m Decent GirLover (yes, the hebephile guy who you called a ‘mind-fuck” or something similar) and I tell you though the connotations of terror that my name resonate in GC and BC, I’m a good guy, so here comes… would put this in GC but since I’m banned for life, I put this here:

    As everyone knows I’m a hebephile that abhor teleiophilia, but still can not get fully accept pedophilia, look, I think I’m a pedophile, sometimes I feel attracted to little girls, but is very rare, only attracts me the little girl who are friend of mine, the rest does not attract me much, I have been thought for seven years i’m a paedo when really it was a hebephile, this caused me great pain, and also not clear to my feelings, for example, sometimes I like adult women, but I hate adults at the same time, you see? i’m a complicated person.

    As for what you say that nobody in their right mind would defend sex with a girl of five years, well.. that’s debatable, look in GC and BC, there have been see people to defend sex with babies, I personally find horrible this, my friend is 7 years old and her do not shown any symptoms of having sexuality. I personally believe that most paedos are not rapists, but some take advantage and try to force their sexuality, I think that sexuality is at puberty as in most animals, but is only my opinion.

    You look like an intelligent person, so I would like talk everything I can with you, or if prefer, you simply annihilate me as the rest of GC and BC, as you prefer.


    1. Hello Decent GirLover

      >“Hi, I’m Decent GirLover (yes, the hebephile guy who you called a ‘mind-fuck” or something similar”

      I think I described your way of thinking as being ‘fuck-minded’ (I hope I’d never be so rude as to call you a ‘mind-fuck’ 🙂 )

      ‘Fuck-mindedness’ isn’t an insult but a phenomenon I’ve observed and which I think explains some of the misunderstandings and misconceptions surrounding paedophilia.

      It’s the attitude shared by teleiophiles, and some hebephiles, that the goal of intimacy is intercourse, and it skews a lot of discussions regarding paedophilia. The ‘fuck-minded’ simply assuming that paedophiles want or desire to engage in acts of penetration with prepubescents because that is what the fuck-minded see as the goal of their own sexual encounters. From what I can tell true paedophiles have very little interest or desire for penetration.

      >”there have been see people to defend sex with babies, I personally find horrible this, my friend is 7 years old and her do not shown any symptoms of having sexuality.”

      Well, it all depends on what you mean by ‘sex’. If you mean any form of penetration then, of course, it’s indefensible. However I don’t see why even a baby shouldn’t be able to receive and enjoy mild sexual pleasure alongside all the other pleasures it can receive. Why would it be ok to give a baby pleasure of, say stroking its back, but not its genitals?

      The answer is that in the context of western societies there could be some harm because society so stigmatises such acts. But where is the intrinsic harm? In many non-western societies mothers will soothe their babies to sleep with genital stimulation. Till recently in some southern European countries it was quite usual for mothers and grandmothers to suck a male babies penis, again to soothe the baby (I vaguely remember a scene where this happened in the film “Cristo si è fermato a Eboli”). There’s no evidence that those boys grew up damaged by this.

      As to your seven year old girlfriend – are you sure you’re not overlooking her sexuality because you’re looking for symptoms of adult sexuality in her?

      A 7 year old expresses her sexuality very differently to a 17 year old – and add that they’ve been taught shame and secrecy from birth. Also in a culture that enforces innocence on children – most children grow up with a poor conceptualisation of sexuality – they have feelings and desires but aren’t given the tools with which to think about them.

      I remember at the age of 7 getting very vigorous erections, but I’d been kept in such sexual ignorance by my (otherwise excellent and loving) parents that I really just didn’t have a clue what that erection was about – I hadn’t been given the conceptual tools with which to make sense of it and the feelings that provoked it.

      So children in our society are so deprived of the concepts, the words, the frank and open discussions round sexuality, that they may have feelings but can only express them incoherently.

      Sorry to read about your bad experiences at GC and BC – I know BC can be a bit of a macho bear-pit at times. But do you think that sometimes you approach things is a little aggressive and absolute maybe? The internet is a great place for the exchange of ideas – but, when there’s a disagreement, it requires more effort on both sides to keep the discussion civil.


      1. Actually in my post I accused pedophiles of everything but not to be penetrators. I honestly do not think pedophiles want to penetrate children, just that sometimes I think they go too far with children.

        One important thing: my girl friend is Chinese, now I realize that Chinese generally often show no sexuality or public affection, she does not give hugs with her other friends, even, so it’s normal not show sexuality, although I still find a very low age, I think most normal at age 10 from what I’ve seen, I personally do not remember having sexuality up to 13, but I’m not a normal person so other people will be different.

        As hebephile I not know much of prepubertal children, so my knowledge is limited, I guess you will know more about it than me.

        I both problems I see with babies is, they can consent? and what the hell is who likes sexually a baby? now I do not have much time so I can not explain much but basically those are my two questions.

        By the way, you’re pedophile or pedohebephile? or what are you exactly?


        1. >“I both problems I see with babies is, they can consent?”

          Can babies consent? Well, they can give, withhold and withdraw what I call ‘simple consent’ – ‘I like that, carry on’ or ‘I don’t like that, stop’. They can’t give informed consent. But then whenever one talks about ‘informed consent’ one should always be clear exactly what information it is that is required.

          Maybe if the sensual interaction is very mild, as it must be with a baby, the baby requires no more information than say it would to give informed consent to having its back stroked.

          But it’s also a useful question to ask – do babies give consent to being suckled? or having their nappies changed? or to having vaccination injections?

          >”and what the hell is who likes sexually a baby?”

          They’re called Nepiophiles. I don’t have those feelings myself, though I can be a big softie when it comes to babies (it depends on the baby). But I understand why someone could be a Nepi – after all some babies are very sweet and beautiful. As a paedophile (not a ‘pedohebephile’) I don’t condemn nepiophiles.


          1. Well now I have a moment to respond:

            Is that sometimes you have to do things against someone’s will, but those example (such as vaccination) are theoretically altruistic, are made to the welfare of children / baby, but the interaction in this case (sexual) is view mainly to satisfy the adult, that is the difference that makes people not accept it.

            Well, but there are actually a worse question, a few days ago I saw in other blog in a post spoke a “traumatized” woman who said she had been “abused” as a child, and I seemed to read (not I’m English, so I can be wrong) that this man had deceived her or something. So who says to you that all those babies / small children will not have traumatic memories of that and will seek to destroy you?

            The human mind is complicated, who guarantee you that children will remember this event as positive? if there are chances of it being positive (agree), but a 50% chance to be harmful, for example I’m traumatized by pornography, develop the same unhealthy obsessions that girl, looking to escape those memories, however others seem to need pornography to feel good, like watching a movie on TV. Now change the pornography to pedophilia (or whatever-philia), at first that pornography was required to sexually relieve me but now is a traumatic memory from the past, or same applies to the childhood erotica, some hate it, others do not see nothing wrong with being photographed naked in its infancy.

            By the way, you say you’re pedophile but that girl in your image should have 10 years (same age as the image of Christian), 10 years is most a hebe age, actually my hebephilia is to the downside, from 10 to 12 years, only like older the Asians, so I’m directly bordering pedophilia, so I do not condemn you too.


        1. thanks Christian – I’ve been working through a load of themes and both of your suggestions are pretty good. I’m hesitating but will stick to libretto for now.


    1. I would like to leave a comment under the latest post- the two poems, about the second poem. I suspect a great number of normal people (“) feel this way but repress this feeling to no end, unfortunately. I, if I could, would jump right in, and be authentically myself!


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